One of the hardest tasks for a woman is to know exactly what she wants. She is adamant and can talk forever about what she does not want but very often, when she is asked bluntly, there is a blank.
Of course that does not apply to everything in life. But this is particularly true with her expectations regarding her life partner.
As I always wondered why it is so, I finally came up with a glimpse of explanation that I would love to share with you:
This comes from two inherited collective believes:
1. A woman is asked; she does not ask.
2. Saying precisely what she wants is the last step in her way of communicating; and if you are older than twenty please know she has lost total respect for you by the time she has said explicitly what she wants.
The way women communicate is subtle even if there are much more conversations in their interactions than there are for the opposite gender.
We can’t help but think that there is something vulgar and despising in being precise and detailed in a request. We wrongly believe that elaborate human beings should understand without words, simply by caring.
Isn’t that what we are supposed to do for the child we are bearing during pregnancy and the few months after birth? For a little over a year, we are guessing. And during this time, we are supposed to guess right. In addition, what we need to get right without words or explanations, are critical questions: does the child move normally? Is he OK? Baby is crying, what does it mean? These are not light questions and yet, we manage to answer them… more or less!
So when you see the garbage full, you really wonder who is the dummy that does not see that the garbage bag needs to be changed? This is no rocket science, is it? Should we place a beeping sign on it saying “garbage full, new bag needed?”
Whether consciously or not this is what we all feel.
But the truth is elsewhere
The truth lies in our differences. Men are not programmed to bear a child for nine months and respond to his basic needs right after birth. So guessing is not where they can excel. Of course in the seduction process, all their energy is dedicated to get you, so you get the assumption that they can guess you. The reality though is that they don’t. They apply the same recipe learned from generations and generations, where they talk nicely, they compliment, and they spend time, as much as they can, they are careful in their physical approach. This chemistry has never failed, but it is temporary. Very quickly they turn back to what they truly are.
Just like we do
In all fairness, we are never as funny, as easygoing, as forgiving, as sexy, as charming as we are in the seduction process. So if women are programmed for guessing, they are not expert at it, and it takes time and practice to become a good guesser.
Why on earth, do we expect that from men? We have to go through that process because it’s the way things are meant to be; they don’t for the same reason. Guessing eventually becomes a huge asset so they would be better off learning it. Similarly, we would gain a lot in learning from their straightforwardness and pragmatism.
So please bear in mind that, as much as your male partner loves you, he is not you: he does not think like you and he does not see things like you do.
Therefore, the more you clue him in about what truly matters to you, the better for your relationship.
Men are distracted listeners, especially with women, so take the time to write down in a concise manner what you want, the expected outcome is more likely to show up “spontaneously.”
Also be aware! A burst of emotional talk shuts down their ability to process: they turn into emergency mode, and they will do what it takes to rapidly control the surge of emotions. Even if he has calmed you down one-way or the other, you will still have missed your point: he won’t do again what he thinks he did that triggered the fact that you are upset.
But first, most likely he is wrong because he has not listened to what you were screaming at him, second he still does not know what he should do.
Even if he adores you, he will not brainstorm over what would be the right moves with you. He has no time nor energy for that because it is not his way to show you his love for you.
If you want to limit your frustrations with your partner you must be explicit and in writing preferably, so he can return to it if need be.
Lastly, misunderstandings are the primary challenges for a long-term relationship.
We must do what it takes to learn to communicate in order to be heard and understood.
Write down Ladies. You might feel ridiculous at first, he might feel surprised, but he will appreciate it and get you a gorgeous chocolate rose bouquet as a symbol of appreciation.
Read also: avple